I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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