I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
