some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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