omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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