I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
