i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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Less talking, more tequila
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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