I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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