I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
