GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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