when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Rumble strips road head = magical
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
