when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm too high and old for this...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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