I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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