ugly people sure do ruin things
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
