I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
