Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
