I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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