now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
