So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
