Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
