Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
