Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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