After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
