I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
