i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize