Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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