yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize