Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
