Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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