What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize