I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
