yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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