If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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