His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
