I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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