Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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