If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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