just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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