Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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