Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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