you would pick up someone in the library
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
