I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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