are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
