There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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