are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
