Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
