I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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