I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
