Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
