fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
