So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
