If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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