not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
