wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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