my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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