im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed