you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.