He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
