pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just tell him i said nine months
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups