bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.