I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.