I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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