Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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