I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
too bad you live with your parents still
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
