JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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