I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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