i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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