do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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