I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
