weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
