i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
