Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize