Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.