i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes