at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
