My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
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he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him