Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.