your thong is hanging out like whoa
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
