It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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