he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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