Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
