just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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