And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
