I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think I just sharted jello shots
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