I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
