That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
