Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
