i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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