dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
