wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
