Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
