I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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