i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
